The Nuts and Bolts of Dating...Actually Just The Nuts

Weird selfie guy was the first in a series of interesting dating experiences I had during my second time around as an online dater.  I began to see that dating is so tumultuous...full of high highs and low lows. When I was able to shut off my tendency to over-think, I saw the hilarity in the whole thing and didn't take weird dudes or bad dates too seriously.  Other times, I felt hopeless  and could only picture myself raising EJ amongst a colony of cats in a slightly imperfect pink velour Juicy Couture jumpsuit from TJ Maxx, drinking the Tab I had purchased off Amazon.

Here's the recap of December (in chronological order):

Weird Selfie Guy (see previous post).

Too-expensive dinner guy: This nice guy took me to a lovely, very expensive restaurant for our first date.  I suggested repeatedly that we keep it more breezy and just have drinks, but he wore me down.  So, I got gussied up, met him outside the fancy restaurant, but unfortunately knew within the first sixty seconds that we wouldn't be a good match.  I then felt horrible that we had to go through a whole dinner, and initially tried to play the "I'm not a big eater" card, even though I've considered the Coney Island hot dog eating contest on several occasions.  He was a chef and kept ordering a ton of stuff no matter how much I objected.  At a certain point, I just gave in and started eating Thanksgiving Day style.  It was the least I could do. THREE HOURS passed and I started to feel physically uncomfortable and sweaty.  However, too expensive dinner guy then insisted on ordering the three desserts the restaurant was famous for, so I took a water break, did some deep breathing, and dove in.  THREE HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES later, he forced three doggie [shopping] bags of leftovers on me.  I looked like I was leaving an outlet mall.  After an awkward hug goodnight, I sped away feeling like I had robbed someone...which I guess I did.  I did thank him for dinner the next day, but fazed out the conversation after that.  Hey, it happens.

Cute Firefighter: we met for coffee and chatted for about two hours.  We had different interests and backgrounds, but enough in common that I would've gone out with him again.  However, oh diss, he never asked for a second date.  I did make a bad joke about saving cats in trees that maybe didn't sit well.

FaceTime Guy: this guy was a bit younger than me, and even though I told him I was riddled with baggage and he should find someone youthful and carefree, he still wanted to meet for coffee.  So, I gave him my number, and we texted back and forth for a bit.  Then, out of nowhere, he wrote, "I'm going to FaceTime you now," and HE DID.  (Now, I'm still uncomfortable with FaceTime in general...I always think I look weird and I spend the whole time looking at myself rather than the person with whom I am FaceTiming).  Anyways, I saw that he was calling to FaceTime, threw my phone under the couch and hid.  It didn't help that I had my hair in a scrunchie and was wearing a Biore nose strip, but regardless, you don't FaceTime with strangers, right?  That date never happened.

Then, thank the Lord, it was Christmas, and I took a week off from dating.