I Learned It From Watching You!

For some reason, that 1987 anti-drug PSA sticks out in my mind...as do so many others from my youth (hello, egg in the frying pan as your brain on drugs!)  YouTube them if you forget.  Anyways, the commercial inexplicably entered my mind the other day, and I pictured the teenage boy yelling to his dad, "I learned it from watching you!" when questioned about the marijuana found in his room. This flashback got me thinking about the things that EJ could say he "learned from watching me," and here's what I came up with:

Good things that EJ can learn from watching me:

• I smile a lot.
• I rip really good jokes.
• I like to read...and series written for teenagers, fashion magazines, and J. Crew catalogs count.
• I try to be kind to people (not going to deny my biting inner monologue though!)

Bad, drug commerical-type things that EJ can learn from watching me:

• Driving aggressively and cursing at other cars (I blame New Jersey).  On that note, I do have various honking patterns that are meant to be non-threatening and teach the drivers around me to not drive so badly/stupidly, so maybe that's not all bad?
• I like sugar.  A lot.  Have dessert twice a day...after lunch and dinner.  Once I had a personal trainer who was telling me about the evils of sugar.  I told him I was so proud that I had cut my desserts down to two.  He said, "a week?" and I replied, "a day."  We didn't last after that. Ideological differences.
• I pout if I don't get my way.  Apparently you're never too old for that.
• I'm not the best with a budget.  Chanel eyeshadow quads? Check.  Six months of living expenses saved? Ummmm.

I could go on (especially with the bad..that's what us Type-A people focus on...the things we don't do well), but I'll stop myself there.  

In thinking about my less desirable traits, I'm actually pleased that they're all manageable things I can work on.  Between my spring goals and weekend lists, I can definitely strive to dial down the sugar, rushing around, being a brat, and spending frivolously.  Done, done, done, and done. Disclaimer: Will work on the sugar thing after Easter and the deeply discounted post-Easter bags of candy.

This morning, as EJ shoved pieces of blueberry gluten-free waffle in his mouth, talking and laughing to himself, I thought about what I could learn from watching him.  So many things flew into my mind: being fearless and proud of who you are, not going along with things you don't like, finding joy in the small stuff, not worrying about what's in store for you after you finish your chicken nuggets, etc. etc.  In fact, I should watch EJ more closely more often.  It seems there's a lot I can learn.

The Story of a Lunch

I've had a revelation.  Smuckers corporation (is that a thing?) listen up.  New Uncrustables sandwich idea: pasta noodles mixed with squares of bread, encased in a pretzel roll, shoved into the center of a bagel.  Delish.  If my child is any indicator of what your focus groups will say, this can become a best-seller, money-maker, pb&j kick-asser.

I'm tired of trying to hide the fact that all my son eats is carbohydrates.   Although I know that the nice daycare ladies do not have time to perseverate on what EJ's lunches say about my parenting, I'm still ashamed about his pasta-pasta-pasta-bagel-pasta rotation.  Now, I do mix in organic yogurt, cheese, fruit, and veggie pouches to hide the 'drate (is that a thing?), and I've even gone so far as to mention my intensive 10K training in hopes the ladies will think that carbo-loading is a necessary athletic practice in my home.  However, at the end of the day, no matter which way you slice it (ha!), the center of EJ's every meal is bread.  Now, before you amazing, perfect mothers shake your heads at me (talking to you, Gwyneth!), I've tried sending in some of the things that I can sometimes get EJ to eat at home: chicken nuggets, meatballs, fish sticks, carrots, etc., but nothing works.  And, EJ, likes cheese and bread....but of course, not sandwiches.  That's some sound toddler logic for you.  He will eat peanut butter as well...but of course, daycare is peanut-free.  So, basically I'm left with no options.

A few weeks ago, I had a stroke of genius.  VARY the pasta noodles.  Orecchiette, fusilli, cavatelli, penne, farfalle, gemelli, rotini...now my little gourmand seems very sophisticated and is practically fluent in Italian.  I'm actually thinking about teaching him to say Ciao! and double-kiss just to add to his European street cred.  Overall, I'm hoping this noodle shift will shift the daycare ladies' perception of me, or perhaps my perception of myself.  I'm doing the best I can and EJ likes to eat.  I also have full confidence that one day soon he'll be sipping on the kale smoothies and munching on the sunflower burgers that I love...only to have the elementary school kids make fun of him...and beg me to send him in with bread and cheese for lunch. Oy.

The Fool of April

One of my credit cards was hijacked.  Calm down, I'm fine.  It happened on April 1st, and I caught it less than 48 hours later, so it's all good in the hood.  My biggest issue with this whole thing is that the fools who did it spent my money at Walmart.com.  Now, I love getting a bang for my buck at Walmart, and I can be found there every few months stocking up on paper goods (ear muffs, Whole Foods!), supplies for EJ, and fun toiletries (can I get a woot woot for Jergens BB Body Cream?!).  I just wonder what the thieves were buying from there with my money. Jaclyn Smith dress pants? A canteen for camping? AAA batteries? Maybe they just wanted to make an innocuous first purchase and then go nuts on another site when they thought they were in the clear...I don't pretend to know how the criminal mind works.  I guess they didn't know they were messing with an elementary school teacher who stalks her accounts to see when she can squeeze out extra money for important things like ombre highlights and gel manicures...I mean, swimming lessons and educational toys for EJ.

This whole thing got me thinking about how I use my credit cards.  I'm not going to lie, at the ripe old age of 34, I still use them like when I was 20...pretending that the items I'm getting are free and someone else will pick up the tab a few weeks down the road (ear muffs, Suze Orman!)  I really should know better because I just finally paid off the interest from a pair of Diesel jeans and flared black Express pants I bought in 2001.

I think these Walmart thieves came into my life for a reason (very zen buddha thinking of me!).  In reflecting on the situation, I'm the fool, not them.  I am now someone's mother, and my divorce has left me with a shaky financial foundation that must be rebuilt.  Faux Walmart.com trips, my Starbucks runs, "needing" a $20 Josie Maran lip gloss, etc. only chip away at that foundation.  Now, I'm a firm believer in enjoying life, but debt is not fun, and I think I need to close my purse strings a little tighter...at least for a bit.  Down the road, when I'm chasing EJ down the beach in Turks and Cacos, clutching my Louis Vuitton beach bag (or in reality, on the classy beaches of the Jersey shore), I'll feel a little lighter knowing that I'm evading the quick sand of credit card debt.  And, since I have to make a quick Sephora run tomorrow, I'll definitely start on Monday.