We met online. It ended online. Seven months with the pretentious boyfriend came to an end via email. Truth be told, I knew it wasn't going anywhere. At my age, when you don't love someone after four (or five or six or seven) months, you're never going to. Plus, as time wore on, the logistics of our lives were just making things too difficult. Most importantly, he was a douche, and it was getting hard to ignore.
Here's how it played out: his red flags had been waving all along, but at the end of the relationship, one was glaringly apparent: I still hadn't been to his house. Now, I'm a smart cookie, and I am positive he didn't have a secret family, but I knew it was STRANGE that I hadn't spent time there. Ironically enough, I got his email the day before I was set to visit him. Hmmm...
Anyways, things had felt a little off between us for a few days, and I texted him at work that we should chat. Hours later, I received the email. Upon reflection, I would've preferred Carrie's fictional post-it note breakup in Sex and The City. I read the cold, distant form letter three times and then deleted it. It obviously wasn't his first rodeo with electronic break-ups. The exact wording is a fuzzy memory now, but the beginning is burned into my brain:
I have some bad news. Yes, it is what you are thinking. I am ending our relationship.
I mean, really!? How does one respond to that? I have bad news...you're a douche? I also found it hilarious because he had just taken EJ and I apple-picking the weekend prior and was all like, "If we were married..." Anyways, I decided to not respond, blocked him on Facebook and deleted all the pictures he'd posted of us, cried off and on for a day, and then moved on. When you've survived the kind of break-up that was the end of my marriage, it makes minor bumps a lot easier to get over.
After it was over, my friends and family asked what I really saw in him. Four months later, I have an answer. After a divorce (or a long relationship that ends dramatically/traumatically), whether you realize it or not, you are looking for affirmation that you are worthwhile and lovable to someone else, and that's why so many people latch onto rebound relationships. Pretentious guy did me a favor. In his abrupt pulling of the eject chord, I was able to see his true colors and realize the nagging sensation in my gut was indeed right...again. Ironically enough, I began to feel optimistic rather than scared about dating again. The next time around, I wouldn't settle one bit.
maybe he lives in a group home..
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